11:40 a.m. - 2024-02-13
A man I’ll never be

I’ve had a lovely two days living life as far from reality as I’m likely to get at this stage in my life. Forgetting the horrible weather, the bills, the complex relationships in my life and switching off all forms of electronic gadget has been heaven on earth.

She surprised me when on Sunday I got a call from her to get myself along the road double quick to her place. I arrived early as instructed to greet her carrying a travel bag and a garment bag to the car from her front door. We loaded up and I asked her what was going on. She smiled and said she thought it was high time she pulled a few surprises of her own.

After a ten minute drive, we ended up in the guest car park of the Peebles Hydro. Marion has contacts in the place and the short version is that she’d got a great deal on a two night couple's spa break and booked us in for Sunday and Monday.

She said to me as we checked in that she wanted to let me know she appreciated all the things I’d done for her lately and it was also an early Valentine’s Day surprise. I decided I’d let myself be swept along by her enthusiasm as she was obviously enjoying being in complete control.

First thing we did was strip off and get into the fabulously comfortable hotel bath robes in our suite. I mean who doesn’t do that?

We dressed for dinner on Sunday evening and her request that I bring smart trousers and shoes suddenly made sense. She’d bought me a new shirt and tie combination to wear and as she did up my tie for me, she said you don’t half clean up well sir. Apparently I should wear a shirt and tie more often. I'm not sure if that will ever happen.

She then disappeared into the bathroom and minutes later emerged as if a butterfly would leaving its cocoon to spread it's wings for the first time. Wearing a one piece midi length wrap over green dress with a neat bow at the side, she looked breathtaking. She did a little twirl from side to side and asked me how she looked. It's a question any man has to answer correctly or the show's off. Even if that means excessive flattery is required. It was easy for me to answer. She looked fabulous.

Dinner was wonderful and on the way back to our room she stopped me in the hotel lobby when she noticed us arm in arm in a full length mirror at the elevator stop. We look just like a couple she said, and looked up at me. I tell her she looks wonderful and whispered to her that I loved her green dress. It really was her colour. I also noticed us in the mirror and I was reminded of my fear that I’m way out of my league with this gorgeous girl hanging on to my arm.

We ordered champagne from room service and spent the rest of the evening soaking in scented bubbles in the huge corner bathtub. We talked about recent events and it was all good.

She talked candidly about the only other time in her life that she’d told a man she was late. On that occasion he ran away and left her literally holding the baby. You didn’t run away she said, and you always say things so calmly and so reassuringly.

Sometimes she says things to me I can’t really answer except with a smile. It doesn’t mean I’m not scared when potentially life changing things happen. I’m just being me and don’t see anything special in being myself.

The next day we took advantage of the Spa and went for a couple's massage. It was kinda weird both lying on massage tables next to each other. I was wondering to myself what the protocol should be. Do we engage in pleasant chit chat or just remain quiet and enjoy the experience?

Our masseur’s for the session were G and J. G was a tall slim athletic brunette and J who was my masseuse, a slightly shorter, stockier blonde girl. I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed the experience especially the lower back massage and I couldn’t help but let out a few ooo’s and ahh’s as I got my back oiled and rubbed. There was definitely some tension there and it all melted away.

A dip in the pool to cool off, followed by a fab lunch and back to our room to fool around in our hotel bath robes for a while rounded off the day.

We were sitting on the bed after getting dressed and had packed our bags. Just as we were about to leave she told me what I hadn’t asked her. I think she probably sensed I wanted to ask and felt it was better to speak of it before returning to the real world outside. The test last week was negative and she said she felt relieved that she wasn't going to be a mum again. On the other hand she felt deeply sad that she might be reaching the stage in her life where she could no longer have children. it's been on her mind for some time.

There was nothing I could say to that. There are somethings in life a man will never truly understand. If all else fails and there are no words for these situations, a good hug often saves the day, and that’s exactly what I gave her. She seemed happy with that for now and told me she has booked an appointment to see her doctor. Another hug, a kiss and some hand holding were in order and we then wandered off down the lobby, arm in arm with our bags and taking with us some wonderful memories of the past two days together.

It’s getting more difficult each time I leave her to return home, and it seems like I’m the only one feeling like that. I know she values her independence and her life and responsibilities mean she has to carry on regardless as things are. Everything seems ok, and perhaps I’m just over thinking things as usual.

There are times when she looks up into my eyes and I wonder what she see’s in them, and perhaps what she see’s in me. I just hope that I can live up to her expectations, but I still fear that I’ll never be the man she thinks I am.