My Diaryland

12:54 a.m. - 2024-04-19
Band Dynamics

I should be in bed resting for my trip North later today, but instead I’m at a coffee shack next to a service station a few miles from home. I decided I’d fuel up in advance but didn’t realise it was so late when the idea came to me.

I wasn’t in the mood for resting after the messaging exchanges on the main band group today. Since S returned from his vacation, there has been a fair bit of chatter but it has been fragmented. That hasn’t been too much of a surprise but the drama has been a real turn-off for me. It’s all coming from one person, J our singer.

I’ve known some serious drama queens in my time, I mean Oscar winning performers who could make a mountain out of a mole hill with consummate ease. Both women and men I might add have shown this kind of talent.

Band life is always a balance and is much like any intimate relationship, only it’s with a bunch of people at the same time instead of just one person.

It’s been interesting but not surprising to see how the band dynamic of this particular band has developed. Myself and Mike are the laid back, chilled out beat and groove masters. We don’t do drama, and as bass and drums, we have a close and easy going, but tight relationship in the band, and outside of it.

S is the band leader and organiser and we all are happy for him to be that person. He also likes to be the leader because he needs to get his way, and goes in a huff if he doesn’t. J our singer has the biggest ego in the band and thinks he is the most important member.

That has actually all worked fine for over five years now and for the most part we all get on, but have our little cliques within the band. I should say, myself and S have our own little clique and that’s because we have this shared desire to just get out and play/perform without drama or hassle. That’s kinda why we formed a secret offshoot project because the main band was becoming less committed.

S has for a while been fed up with J’s dramatic episodes, I joined the Jam Social because the excess drama was getting on my tits, and both of us conspired to form the new secret band because i think deep down, we knew the bands days were numbered. Mike also just loves to play but he’s now in his 70s and had said he would at one point stop playing because he's not fit enough anymore. Mike also lives 2 hours drive away from everyone else so the travelling is also a bind.

So today, S copied me a message sent by J saying myself and Mike didn’t call him to try and persuade him to stay. He did acknowledge the messages I sent him asking him about his decision, but basically said our lack of concern for his decision to leave told him everything he needed to know, especially about how important we think he is as a band member.

I mean, for fuck sake!

I don’t mean to sound so harsh, especially since J has also had some mental health issues over the last few years and that has affected his band life quite a lot and been a factor in us having to cancel and pull out of quite a few shows he said he couldn't play.

He clearly believes it’s the fault of myself and Mike, and that has resulted in his decision to drop out of the band immediately. Well ok, that’s up to him to believe that. If anything, it’s left a little sour taste to what has been a sweet time with this band.

It’s actually been a pleasure to play with these guys and we have had fun times together, rocked hard, and pulled some hot chicks. Well I have, the rest of the guys are happily married, I assume.

Yet again, it’s the same old same old with real life, band life, and relationships in general. Nothing lasts forever and anyone who thinks otherwise is mostly delusional. Grab what you can, play your best groove, live your best life, love hard while you still can, and accept that every now and again there will be a little heartbreak 💔, a little sadness, and feelings of loss when the good times falter. Know it’s never too late to begin again, and have fun, and enjoy new exciting times ahead.

I’m outta this band, and long may the new one continue. Rant over.



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