2:36 p.m. - 2024-03-29
Is she really going out with him?

I went to an early viewing today at a nearby cinema multiplex of the film Mother's Instinct starring Jessica Chastain and Anne Hathaway. They are both actresses I admire, and both seem to have improved with age in every respect. It wasn't a film I chose to see, I was only there because Donna asked me if I'd come along with her, as she had apparently no one to go with. I found it quite a disturbing film as it touched on the psychology of motherly instincts, and how it is suggested there may be a darker side to that than you might ever think. It’s not really a guy film to be honest in my opinion.

We've been chatting old school on Skype chat for some weeks now on and off. That was my idea to keep a distance from her and to see if staying friends as she asked recently would be possible. I had asked her not to send racy messages on iMessage and she agreed to that for me. It seemed a good trade at the time. It's been nostalgic in certain ways, a little like how MSN Messenger was back in the day and so far it's all felt quite innocent to me although I know other people may not see it that way.

She told me she had a bit of trouble last month. She was woken up in the early hours when it sounded like someone was downstairs in her home. She called the police who arrived quickly to find her ex long term partner sleeping on the sofa downstairs, drunk as a skunk. He was arrested and taken away but it turned out he still had a set of keys to her apartment so charges of breaking and entering were dropped. He handed back the keys and apologised. He'd come home from a night out and the taxi had taken him to her home instead of his own place. A drunken mistake apparently and that is how it was viewed.

Having a set of keys to your partners place has always been a slightly complex choice to make for me. I only ever gave one person spare keys to my apartment back in the day. She never used them as far as I am aware and it was a delicate matter asking for her to return them when she ran off with another guy. I've had other women give me keys for their homes and handing them back or not accepting them in the first place was always a difficult thing. It was as good as saying it's over on several occasions.

M is the only woman who has the keys to my kingdom at this time, not counting my daughter as she is family. I've thought about asking her for them back now as she is getting married but I'm hesitant to do so incase she takes it the wrong way. In time I hope she will hand them back of her own accord.

So, anyhoo...today's cinema outing and a quick light lunch at Starbucks afterwards was really fun. I felt guilty about that, not the fact I was spending time with another woman while Marion was working hard at her job, it was the fact that it was a lot of fun. It's very true that you don't need to take your clothes of just to have a lot of fun. Been there and done that with Donna when we first met last year.

We both enjoy the company of the opposite sex, we are very alike and in fact she is as near to a female version of me that I have met in recent years. She is way more confident than I ever will be and more ruthless when it comes to getting what she wants from life, and doing what she pleases. She is a few years older than Marion but those few years in a woman's life between 40s and 50s seems to be a very crucial time in my experience. A lot can change in a woman's attitude to life in those years. We have also both been around the block and I don't mean that disrespectfully to Donna. That also has a significant bearing on how a person views life. We both realise there are less years ahead than behind and consequently sometimes the barriers we make for ourselves when we are younger become less important.

Marion is this genuine low mileage, no previous keepers, beautiful spark of womanhood who has devoted herself to motherhood and done a fantastic job of it all on her own without help, or a man being around in her life. She's really only beginning to blossom and I feel so privileged to be with her to see her open up like a new rose. Myself and Donna are high on the miles, had a few previous keepers between us and maybe a few dents and broken hearts along the way.

We both still have that spark inside of us that keeps us feeling young and open to adventure and maybe that's why I find her such good company. We do have a lot more in common on paper but she hurt me once before and I have the measure of what she is capable of. I only agreed to tag along as an old friend today and that's the way it's gunna be as far as I am concerned.

Some days I feel like it's one step forward and two steps back with Marion. I know exactly what Donna see's in me but I don't know for sure what Marion see's in me. I know that's a flaw of mine, feeling like I don't really deserve finding and being with such a beautiful, intact, and seemingly perfect soul. She has already given me the keys to her heart. What shall I do if she gives me the keys to her apartment?