10:15 p.m. - 2024-02-08
When I say it doesn't matter, it matters most of all.

I went to my optician's appointment yesterday. Everything was fine and I can still see as well as I did two years ago at my last checkup. My optometrist Aiesha tells me I have remarkably good eyesight for my age. We see so much more with our eyes than we realise. There is the hidden language we speak with our every move that the most perceptive of us can read and understand with a glance, especially when it’s between those who are closest to us. The thing is, when you are separated by distance, it becomes almost impossible to maintain that closeness, even with the one's we care for. Listening carefully then takes over, and I'm not as good in that department. I do try.

It felt strange trying to organise a romantic valentine's day surprise as I waited for her to call. But It's done now, and I think I'll tell her before hand as it means a midweek visit, a dinner date, roses, sweet things, and of course, me.

Carrying on with normal everyday life when there are complex personal situations happening has never been something I've found easy to do. Sometimes I want to just stop and devote all my energy to making one thing better, and there are times where that is a valid response. I waited patiently for her to get in touch. She did eventually but it was a little later than she'd said she would, and I must admit I was quite concerned. These things matter to me so much.

I keep thinking of her crossing her fingers behind her back as she made her wish at the wishing well the other day. Was she wishing for something to happen, or wishing for it not to happen? There is a subject we didn't really talk about in depth mainly because we already have children by other people, and there are personal reasons for both of us that made any possibility of that happening virtually impossible. And then there is mother nature. If something is meant to happen, and if there is the slimmest chance it could, she always does her best to make it possible. Sometimes not trying, and when it's not a concern or issue is when something will happen.

Marion is fine. She say's not to worry. She'd messaged me in the early hours to say the tell tale cramps she knows so well started on Wednesday evening. Everything today is as normal as normal can be for a woman of her age. She never told me whether she tested or not before hand and I'm not going to ask her. Well, not right now. I have the feeling if she has something to tell me she will. I think I know her at least that much. I have the distinct feeling I may have a perimenopausal woman on my hands. I've seen this before with female friends and acquaintances of a certain age. Yes, I think we will have lot's to talk about this coming weekend and hopefully she will still want to be my Valentine 💝