12:10 p.m. - 2009-12-26
My Old Self

Christmas...well it has been fun and the day wasn't long enough. I spent the afternoon with my parents, sisters, and brother. One sister was absent from the proceedings but that was expected. Everyone made the effort to enjoy the day and unlike Christmas past, there was no family drama. Coming home to my quiet home didn't feel strange. It was warm and cosy, and curling up on the sofa to watch some television in my dressing gown with a glass of quality wine and some nibbles just seemed wonderful after such a socially jam packed day.

An old acquaintance called me on the phone to wish me a Happy Christmas, and she said the most thought provoking thing to me. When we bumped into each other recently while Christmas shopping, she said for the first time in years, she saw the person I once was when she first met me. I was startled at her revelation, and when I enquired further I was told I seemed more like my old self. She said she wasn't sure why I appeared to have changed so suddenly, and she asked me if there was a new love in my life who may be making an honest man of me. I laughed, but in reality I was still missing someone now gone from my life for good.

I suppose the grim reality of loss does make you very real again, and bring you back down to who you really are. Maybe that’s what she saw in me? If anyone knew me well back then, she did. If anything, she is the one person I still trust implicitly these days, and if she says I have changed, I believe her.